Apophthegms

Self-pity, self-sabotage, self-obsession, self-destruction -- unattractive but convenient!

All great fine art has its roots in self-loathing and an appreciation of cute fat chicks, while popular art depends on the perpetual mainenance of adolescent rage and a willingness to steal from Raymond Chandler. It hardly seems fair to the rest of you.

The web will not be free until the last spammer is hung from the guts of the last opponent of net neutrality.

Self-esteem is for the self-satisfied. The self-propelled are insecure.

There are two types of people in the world; those who categorize and those who do not. I fall into the latter category.

The difference between an artist and a craftsman is that an artist is paid by the piece while a craftsman is paid by the hour.

Tuning is never a mistake.

In fighting the world remember that the world has reach, power, and endurance on you. You're going to have to cheat.

The self is at once the greatest of all mysteries and somebody else's problem.

The second trip to the liquor store is always a mistake.

People are just like snowflakes or fingerprints -- it takes an expert to tell one from another.

Two wrongs may not may make a right but sometimes they make parity.

Pee when you can, not when you have to.

Before you panic take a deep breath and check all the cables.

It would be nice to be somebody else's worst enemy for a change.

"He ain't doing nothing... Let's see what happens if we poke him with this stick."

Blue-collar intellectual. Antisocial extrovert. Writer, illustrator, humorist, cook, and mal vivant, Sean Craven does not typically refer to himself in the third person.

Currently a student at Berkeley City College, Sean is closing in on a massive brain-twisting novel -- a lurid blend of confessional autobiography, classic mythology, splatterpunk horror, quest fantasy, and garage band rock and roll.

He's the illustrator and co-editor of the vicious small-press magazine Swill. He sings, plays bass, and does drum programming for The Dizzy Toilet Devils, an oddcore band described by a real musician as sounding "like a cross between Brian Eno and the Beat Farmers."

As Sean's best friend once said, "The world is his oyster and he hates seafood."

All contents of this website © 2008 Sean Craven.

 

 

I'll Be Your Mirror #2

Who was that tiny woman

and how did she get to be so ghetto?

You know how it goes. You're out in public and you see someone who looks familiar. You know you should greet them but you just can't figure out who they are, what your response to them should be. In my case this is compounded by the fact that I'm almost blind and while I have a hard time with people's names I never remember a face. Having been through the embarrassment of greeting a number of strangers with intimate cordiality I've taken to waiting for the other person to break first. They're the ones with fucking eyes, let them make the call...

 

So Where The Hell Have I Been?

It was the summer of sulking...

So the plan for the summer was a splendid one. Since I can't take summer classes (the amount of time you need to spend in the classroom pretty much destroys my back) I'd planned on trying to live my life exactly the way I would if I was a successful writer/artist. I'd spend my mornings working on the novel, the afternoons working my way through some drawing exercises. I'd start doing paleo art again, start learning cartooning. I'd post something every day, rain or shine.

Haw! Haw! Haw! --

 

I'll Be Your Mirror

Thanks a lot, pal.

So my music buddy and I were sitting around in-between songs when I found myself going over one of my petty obsessions.

"Dude," I said. "The thing is, is that I have no idea how I come across. I have no idea what people think of me."

He glared at me, eyes pinching at the bridge of his nose. He was sick of this shit...

 

Links #1

Another websurfing wave.

Yeah, I spend too much time on the net. And so do you. Why stop now?

 

Another Adventure in Fine Dining

From the Email Files

Here's a fairly typical chunk of my life. When I ran it through the writer's group they didn't suggest any changes but one of the marginal comments was, "I'm gagging." Consider yourself warned. This one goes out to all the pet lovers and parents...

 

Internet Cartoon

#2

Caution -- science humor!

If this raises even a faint smirk then you know too much. Go read a People or something for chrissakes. Be an American. Dumb it down.

 

Progress Report

4/14/08

Here's where I report on my long- and short- term goals and accomplishments. You could probably skip reading it without undue suffering...

 

Internet Cartoon #1

For all the assholes.

I woke up at one this morning and went up to my studio to see if I could settle down enough to get back to sleep. As I toddled along the intertubes I was suddenly struck by a strange desire. I had to do an internet cartoon.

It's now five-nineteen. When you read this remember that it is the product of chronic sleep deprivation.

 

Allosaurus

Gallery

Reconstructions of the most common large predator of the Morrison formation.

 

Abstractions 1

Gallery

Sometimes it's fun to just dig into a graphics program and see what happens.

 

 

Why I Write

Personal Essay

Notes on ambition, aesthetics, and a bit of oaf history.

 

 

Imaginary Landscapes 1

Gallery

I get to live in these places while I'm drawing them.

 

Logy In The Saddle

Humor

No one would walk away from this lethal showdown between a cowpoke and his colon!

 

 

Comic Book People

Gallery

I learned to write and draw in order to do comics. I still haven't done any, but these folks all have stories behind them... Long Distance Relationship was on the back cover of the long-gone magazine Mean Times.

 

Elder Gods

Gallery

Gimme that old-time religion, it's good enough for me. These illustrations were originally published in the small-press magazine Swill.

 

Talking to Myself

Essay

Notes on writing dialogue.

 

In Old Mongolia...

Gallery

The only dinosaur fight that was fossilized in the middle of the action took place between a Velociraptor and a Protoceratops. Both of 'em small, both of 'em mean... The Protoceratops reconstructions were published in Prehistoric Times magazine.

 

Sketches of Other Students

Gallery

These were fast sketches I did in my last drawing class. It felt good to finally be able to render a likeness.

 

Contact Sean

(Yeah, that's how I write. As a child I was told by one doctor that it was diagnostic of damage to the motor center of the brain; another said it was because I'd been switched from left- to right-handed. Both are applicable...)

Please note that all email sent to this site will be considered fair game for public mockery. If this is a problem you can request otherwise; if you do so in a piece of hate mail (which I will be delighted to receive, motherfucker) you're gonna be SOL.

If you want to make use of my work on your website please contact me. Non-commercial websites: As long as you're not heavily into something I don't want to support I'll most likely be happy to let you use what you want as long as I get credit and a link. If you're a commercial site, well. Money talks and I will listen.